OK, so while some of my earlier posts this week have eluded to what's been going on, I feel the need to elaborate.
This week one of the very first people I made friends with in Carrollton died in a car accident. Now I had only seen him a handful of times in the past year, and not 3 weeks ago I heard him in the background when I was on the phone with a mutual friend saying "Tell that bitch I said call me!" I remember thinking that I really should, but I got distracted. Now I can't. Remembering how much we hung out when I first got here; my heart felt so broken that he died without me ever telling him how much he meant to me.
But not just him; I had lost contact with everyone from that group of friends. I mean, I met my friend Cindy's new daughter on Wednesday and she was born in March. I've been 10 miles from everyone and had totally lost touch. As bad as it hurt losing him like that, if it had been Cindy or Melissa or Chris--friends since high school--it would have been so much worse.
Looking back on my life thus far, my happiest times have been with my friends. They are what means the most to me. Any acheivement in my life is worthless to me if I have no one to share it with. Ben Dying so suddenly was a slap in the face; some of the things that had been bothering me became so very unimportant and reconnecting with my lost friends suddenly became top priority.
If you look at wealth in terms of dear friends, I'm totally Bill Gates. So many people throughout my life have influenced me and helped me and helped hold me up when I wasn't able to do it myself. Ben was one of those people. I couldn't have made it here without him and I just hope that he knew that.
I hope those I have left know that. All of them. All of you guys. I love you so very very dearly.